Paper whites

I was asked to speak in Stake Conference (my local congregation + 8 other congregations in my area) for my church.  This is the talk I gave:

"Growth occurs in many different settings.

For Christmas one of my girlfriends gave me this darling red bowl filled with gravel and 3 bulbs on top of it.  If I hadn’t seen this happen before I would look at it and think there is no way that these bulbs are going to grow.  As I followed the instructions to keep the gravel moist I watched as these bulbs took off.  It was amazing.  The bulbs were on top of the gravel and the roots shot down deep into the gravel and clung onto it.  You could see the bare roots.  Then from the top of the bulb these strong stems grew straight up, about 2 feet. The greatest part is these flowers bloomed beautiful white blossoms. 

As I thought about those flowers, I thought of other plants that grow in a situation that isn’t  the normal a flower growing in the garden with  dirt, sunshine and water.  You can now have tomato plants that grow upside from the ceiling, there are hydroponic plants that grow in water, there are air plants that only need air.  Last spring my family had the opportunity to hike in the desserts of Southern Utah.  As we would hike on the dry sandstone you would often see a tiny crack in the rock and a flower would be growing up out of that little spot where you would think there is no way that life could go on. 

All of these plants have some things in common.  The first thing is all of them are beautiful.  They are all growing in a situation that doesn’t seem like the norm.  They are blossoming in their adversity whatever their situation is.  The other thing is that these plants all have a divine make up.  They are doing just what God intended for them to do.  To grow and to be beautiful and to thrive regardless of the setting they are in. 

          Richard G. Scott said, “Our Heavenly Father did not put us on earth to fail but to succeed gloriously.”  The situations that we are placed in to succeed gloriously sometimes don’t feel so glorious, nor are they perfect.  A lot of times we don’t feel like it is a situation that we should be in.  They often do not look like our neighbors situations either. God did not use a cookie cutter to make us perfect and the same for a reason.  Because of that we shouldn’t be discouraged if we don’t fit a mold that doesn’t exist.  Nor should we judge others if they don’t fit that mold.  The church teaches the ideal and then we do the best with what we have to do what God needs us to do in our individual situations. 

I am going to tell you a little bit of my story.  I grew up in the church generations of Mormons for a long time back pioneer stock.  I have always loved church.  I love all things churchy you could say.  I have had many callings I have gone on a mission, I married a handsome returned missionary in the temple.  After about 9 years after 2 of our 3 kids were born he decided he was no longer interested in the church but he let me know that he would support me in my activity.  So just to be honest with you this broke my heart.  I was completely shattered there were some hard dark, dark times.  I was angry, I felt cheated and a lot of the time I would say, “This isn’t what I signed up for.”  I realized that my bitter feelings and my anger and just that attitude of this isn’t what I signed up for was making me see myself as this good guy, the churchy lady and then I turned my husband into a bad guy which simply was not the case.  I also realized that these attitudes, these negative feelings made it very difficult for me to have the guidance of the Holy Ghost which I so desperately needed.  I found an awesome quote on interest, I have no idea who said it but here you go,  “Being negative only makes a difficult journey more difficult.  You may be given a cactus but you don’t have to sit on it. “ We know from the Book of Mormon from Laman and Lemual that they murmured and it didn’t get them anywhere.  The children of Israel murmured and it didn’t help.  I think sometimes we think, I am different I think I will murmur and talk about how hard my situation is.  I found it wasn’t working for me.  

So I had to make a choice. I had to decide either I was in this situation and I was going to do my very best or I wasn’t because it wouldn’t work if I didn’t do my best.  I am so thankful for that decisions that I made to stick with the family that I was with.  I have had to make some other choices and I have learned quite a few lessons in this 9 year process: One of those lessons is to have faith. To have faith that just because I don’t get it, it doesn’t mean that I am in the wrong spot.  It doesn’t mean that I am doing something wrong.  I need to have faith that my Heavenly Father knows my situation and that He will help me.  The other thing I have learned is the importance of temple covenants.  I have learned the importance of clinging to those especially when it is hard. Those blessings that I was promised in the temple and also my patriarchal Blessing they are based on my faithfulness.  That won’t be taken away from me if I am doing my part.  Another huge thing is attitude, going back to the cactus thing, if we try to have a good attitude it makes such a huge difference.  You still might be in the same hard situation but looking at it with a good attitude is so much easier to get through your days.    I have also learned that happiness is a choice.  I am going to be honest with you there are some days I don’t choose happiness, but the days that I do, it helps so much.  One of the biggest things that I have learned is gratitude.  We are told that we need to be thankful in all things.  It doesn’t say to be thankful for all things, if you notice that .  I love that thought.  If you look hard you can find things to be grateful for in any situation.  In fact this year my husband and I started to “give each other 5”.  I ask him 5 things that he is grateful for and then I tell him my 5.  It has been magical to just do that simple exercise to look for the good in life.  We’ve had awesome things happen because of that.  Another thing that I have learned is that instead of trying to change people, (you cant change anyone.  I really have tried and it hasn’t worked! ) Instead of trying to change other people I have learned to focus on improving myself.  Instead of trying to change others, just love them.  Love them where they are at. 

If you notice in The Family a proclamation to the world it does not say the Perfect Family in a perfect world.  They left those words out for a reason.  That is not what it is about.  It says, “Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. 

Successful marriages and families (notice it didn’t say perfect) are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”  If you think about it, if we were all put in our perfect little situation that we think we would have the most growth in, we probably wouldn’t have the opportunities to live and practice those principles from the proclamation.  It would be hard for us to learn to become like our Savior if we all lived with perfect people.  We simple wouldn’t need to work at it. 

          What if instead of thinking this is not what I signed up for,  what if we could view our rough growing conditions as opportunities to thrive and practice being the person God needs us to become? Our gardener knows what He is doing.  In hindsight maybe this IS what I signed up for.  If my goal is to return and live with my Heavenly Father there is some work and some changes that need to happen in me.  This probably is the perfect situation that He needs me to go through so I can learn those lessons, and I still have a lot to learn.  Once again, Things don't need to be perfect for us to grow and be happy.

Has it been easy or will it be in the future? Unh uh, Absolutely not.

Has it been worth it? Definitely!  I wouldn’t change a thing. 

I think the pioneers hit it right on the head in Come Come ye saints. I am going to share  2 verses with you. 

1. Come, come, ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear;

But with joy wend your way.

  Though hard to you this journey may appear,

  Grace shall be as your day.

  'Tis better far for us to strive

  Our useless cares from us to drive;

  Do this, and joy your hearts will swell--

  All is well! All is well!

2. Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard? (But I am going to tell you I thought it was hard and I know you have to)

'Tis not so; all is right.

  Why should we think to earn a great reward

  If we now shun the fight?

  Gird up your loins; fresh courage take.

  Our God will never us forsake;

  And soon we'll have this tale to tell--

  All is well! All is well!

          I am so thankful for a Gardner that knows me, He knows my potential and what He wants me to be and what I can become.  I am thankful for the things that I have learned.  I am very thankful for this “trail” as you can say or this opportunity to learn.  I am so thankful for my family.  I adore them.  I love being on Team Rich.  Our family is not perfect but it is full of love and we are working together to learn the things that we need to to become the people that Heavenly Father needs us to become.  I am so thankful for my awesome husband, that is here today.  He is exactly the person that I need to help me become the person that Heavenly Father needs me to become.  Hopefully I help him a little along the way too.  I am so thankful for my testimony.  I know that God lives.  I now that He loves me.  I know that He has a plan and that I need to basically bloom where I am planted and carry on.  I know that God lives and that He loves us.  He knows YOU and your situation that you are in as well.  I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ amen. "